I'll take care of you
by minachandler
Summary: "You want to quit all this and run? I call shotgun. I mean it. We don't have to stay here. We can just fly away and never come back." Set during 2x10. Dutch and Johnny's conversation if they hadn't been interrupted by Lucy.


"You want to quit all this and run? I call shotgun." Dutch meets Johnny's eyes, and after a moment she leans in and hugs him with all her might. "I mean it," she says, her voice shaking a little but never wavering. "We don't have to stay here. We can just fly away and never come back."

Johnny tries to smile into Dutch's shoulder. "Well, that sounds amazing, but we really can't do that." He pulls away from her, now, and says, "Grieving is for winners, and we haven't won yet."

"Johnny, I don't even know exactly who we're fighting."

"You're right," says Johnny, and he does manage a smile this time, miraculously. "We used to be a lot better at this."

"We did," Dutch agrees softly. She lifts her hand and strokes Johnny's cheek. "But then it used to be just you and me. And now…" She sighs.

"Now what?" he says quietly.

"Now we found other people."

"Hey," he murmurs, reaching up and holding onto her hand, "you know you'll always be my girl, Dutch."

Dutch chuckles. "I always thought that was Lucy,"

"Lucy's an artificial intelligence -"

"- who still managed to find a way to kiss you," Dutch teases. And Johnny's not sure why, but at that moment a tear rolls down his cheek and for the first time the dam inside him bursts. "Oh, Johnny," she whispers, and she hugs him again, with what seems like everything in her.

"Tell me it's going to be okay," Johnny says, taking a gulp of air and trying to breathe. "Tell - tell me. Lie to me."

"I could never do that," says Dutch helplessly. "You know I could never do that."

Still Johnny clings onto her tightly, never wanting to let go of the one anchor he has and has always had for the past six years. Dutch touches his hair, her hand moving to his jaw and cradling his cheek.

"I know," Johnny says. "It's why I love you."

"I love you too, Johnny. I love you the most."

And when Johnny pulls back enough for their eyes to meet all he sees are shimmering pools of warmth and fire and - yes, love.

"And I promise you," she continues, "even if it never gets better… it can start to hurt less. Eventually."

"I just can't believe she's gone," he says, his voice cracking with emotion. "I - I loved her."

"I know you did, Johnny. And I know in spite of what she did she was a decent person who didn't deserve to die."

"She said she was going to answer for what she did," Johnny breathes. "And after giving up her title I asked her onto the ship. She could have been our in-house doctor."

Dutch smiles. "She would have been great."

"Are you just saying that because she's dead?" he can't help but say bitterly, and Dutch looks hurt for a moment before she shakes her head.

"No, I'm saying it because I mean it. And because you're my family. Anyone who's important to you is important to me. That's how it's always been."

Johnny softens, then, and instantly regrets his words. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean -"

"It's okay," she interrupts. "You don't ever, ever have to apologise to me. Especially when you've just lost the person closest to your heart."

"I told you," he says firmly, "there was room in my heart for you both. But I - I want you to know… when we win -"

"- _if_ we win -"

"- _when_ we win… and I get to grieve? I'm going to remember Pawter as she lived. Not as some angelic martyr who… died for Old Town's sins but for who she was. The person who did so much right and also wrong and was willing to answer for all of it."

"She did what she felt she had to," Dutch reasons. "Right or wrong - that takes courage. And I… have been in her shoes. In more ways than one."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean I've held people's lives in my hands and decided whether to crush them to dust or let them stay intact."

"I get that," he says. "And the other way?"

And for the first time Dutch falters. "You know what," she says faintly. She raises her hand to his cheek and he closes his eyes at her touch. "I told you. I know what it's like to need you. And I need you."

She gets to her feet, now, still cradling his cheeks with both her palms, pressing a kiss on his forehead.

"You can do this, Johnny Jaqobis. You're the most resilient person I know, and you'll get through this somehow. I know it."

"I don't know how," says Johnny helplessly.

"You'll figure it out," she says. "And D'avin and I will have your back, always."

"Promise?"

"Tap my heart. And when this is all over… I promise I'll take care of you."

"Thank you," he whispers. "And, Dutch?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you the most too."

" _Based on your vocal patterns, I calculate this will be a good time to interrupt_."

"What's up, Luce?" Johnny asks.

"D'avin's heart rate. Dramatically."


End file.
